Our netas’ bizarre jugaad solutions

The problem-solution pattern consists of four basic elements: situation, problem, response or solution and evaluation or result. There are five ways to resolve a problem completely: Identify the problem; Break the problem down, Generate potential solutions, Evaluate the possible solutions; and, Implement and Monitor the solutions.

Why think of problems now? As we have seen recently, our nation is coming out with all kinds of solutions to the problems it is facing – rather the people are facing it seems. Let us begin with our own backyard – Tirupati (Tirumala). Tirumala is very much in news nowadays because of the sighting of big cats near the famed pathway from Alipiri to Tirumala Hills. The problem here, of course, is not the sighting itself, but the attack of these big cats on the pilgrims trekking to seek the blessings of Lord Venkateshwara. One of these cats had killed a little girl, too, to the shock of the people.

As usual a war of words erupted in our ‘sensitive’ state of politics and castes and it led to some brainstorming sessions of the Tirumala Tirupati Devasthanams Board. The new Chairman, Bhumana Karunakar Reddy came out with a plausible solution to the problem – of handing over lathis to the pilgrims. Lathis or walking sticks are good for trekking and they take the strain away. The pilgrims can now trek the Seven Hills without fear as they can drive away the big cats. Right? Some wild vet might have told the TTD board that the cats get pissed off at the sight of these sticks and run away. The solution made the pilgrims do that and they have done the vanishing trick from the designated path.

It is a different matter that the wildlife law does not permit the solution to be in place. Some 1,200 miles away in Kota town of Rajasthan, the authorities came out with yet another brilliant solution to another vexatious problem of suicides. Kota is an educational pilgrim centre. Students flock to it from all over the country and neighbourhood too to prepare for competitive examinations. The town is full of blood sucking monsters called coaching centres run by greedy entrepreneurs dubbed as educationists. Due to the pressure of the challenge of clearing the examinations, the students here often end their lives. One of the preferred ways of doing so is to hang by the ceiling fans. These fans in their living rooms are fixed to sturdy iron hooks making it convenient for such frustrated students to hang by their necks.

Solution? Replacing the hooks in the roofs by springs! Another wow there for the brilliance. Anyone attempting suicide will fail as the spring stretches. That is Hooke’s Law, of course. Won’t the depressed students then look for alternatives like trees etc? We don’t know. For the time being springs are in great demand just as lathis in Andhra.

Grapevine has it that some politicians are seeking supply contracts from the governments of these goods. Our politicians are too grounded in their views. Tomato prices have shot up? Stop eating them! Onions? Forget them! Are the Chinese resorting to salami slicing? Stop buying their products! History sheets are creating law and order problems? Well, demolish their parents’ homes! Rapes and nude parades are taking place? Ban airing the visuals! Criticising the government much? Face the ED! Heavy rains predicted? Stay indoors! Instant solutions for persistent perennial problems. Isn’t it so? A classic jugaad culture, indeed.