The fear of ageing is real in a society that dismisses the elderly

Society has an overdose of old people who look and behave ridiculously young. No one is ageing any longer. They wear the same clothes as their college-going children. With the advancement of science, fortunately and unfortunately, most of us are going to live longer than our grandparents. This may create an age identity crisis, that can be detrimental for a healthy society.

Mohua Chinappa, an author and a podcaster of a show called "The Mohua Show" shares her opinion with 'Hans India' about it.

Mohua says, "According to government data, in India, the average life expectancy at birth has increased from 49.7 during 1970-75 to 69.7 during 2015-19. As people age, one imagines that there will be a quiet calm and a solid foundation of values that one has inculcated or inherited from their homes or life experiences. But the truth is far from this."

"As one delves closer, one can find that there are a very large number of men (more) than women who want to put on the wig, shake their beer bellies and dance like a teenager on drugs. They seem to want to live the life they missed in their 30s and 40s as responsibilities and adulthood tried to take over their lives. No one ever prepared such men to behave with accountability. This change in life becomes daunting for men to accept and bear," she adds.

In most cases, the wives are dealing with lonely parenting and the men, who are not wishing to grow old.

Most smile with glee if they are told "you look young for your age". Mohua says, "Most smile with glee if they are told 'you look young for your age.' Like that is an achievement that one must be proud of. No one cares if there was any contribution towards society in which they have touched other peoples' lives with positivity. The catchphrase is all about anti-ageing. This in turn also promotes a culture of selfishness and materialism, which is ugly and very regressive. As per a study by Custom Market Insights, the global Anti-Aging Market share & size is expected to reach a value of around USD 120 Billion by 2030." "Anti ageing isn't about looking young only. It is the agility of the mind too that most advertisers are forgetting to promote. It is about calm, about giving back to society. This must become more fashionable than just the superficiality of looking perfect. We need more mentally fit people," she adds.

What is most annoying is when older men act like they need to be a lookalike of their sons. These sorts never seem to grow up ever. They live like their school days. The awakening is when they realise that life was consumed with the capitalist bug as their only life goal. Now, the occupation and monetary success along with ageing have become their identity. They are called the "silver fox men".

"These men can be found in bars, doling advice to youngsters on success, or trying to impress the spouse's friends with their magnanimity. But are careful with the spouse's spend. The wife of the silver fox is just like a handbag around their waist. They are dolled up and most are bitter with their lives."

As I spoke to women who dared to confide, almost all of them were living in sham marriages. She says, "As I spoke to women who dared to confide, almost all of them were living in sham marriages. The reasons cited are irresponsibility and infidelity. The only thing that keeps them together is the love towards the child. In the case of women, it is also the monetary and social identity that they feel ashamed to give up."

"The women were all well-heeled and with husbands who barely cared for them. So they were either trying to find a way out of the loneliness and the men, who were not even addressing the issues with them. They are busy trying to not grow older. The vibe is, let's be as hedonistic as we imagined ourselves as teens. The unfulfilled dreams are to be fulfilled at this age, overlooking anything that comes in the way."

What is amusing is a majority of married men can be found on dating apps wanting a little more of the rainbow or sometimes more sex which is no longer exciting with their wives.

Mohua says, "Anti-ageing creams are nice. But one does miss the days when families ate meals together. The picture of security that we conjure is of a boring, paunchy father reading the papers and mostly obliging the family. The mother was in charge of the goodies at home. They used to eat pakoras during monsoons and ice cream lollies in the summers. It was a family outing of togetherness."

Unlike today, we find couples drifting apart and normalising going out solo and living individual lives.

Giving an example for it, Mohua says, "Nayna, who runs a small-sized sari boutique in Bangalore, said that out of vengeance towards her husband, who was caught having sex with her househelp and many more women, she began texting a not-too-close friend's husband. She had heard that the friend was having issues in his marriage and that the iron was hot at that time to strike. She was caught and she begged for forgiveness. She still continues with her marriage just like the innumerable more. The husband is richer and evidently has more chances of finding younger women than her and insecurity remains the middle name."