As A Parent How To Cope Up With Sibling Rivalry

As long as there is more than one child in the house, sibling rivalry is inevitable. The bane of many parents' existence, sibling fighting often leaves Moms and Dads feeling exhausted and worn out by all the bickering and teasing, and wondering why their kids seem to fight so much.

They want to find out how they can promote a warm and close relationship between their offspring that will carry forward into their children's adulthood.

You may relate to some of the following reactions we have heard from parents about how they feel about their children squabbling: angry, furious, helpless, out of control, exasperated, hopeless, powerless, sad, confused, disappointed, frustrated, overwhelmed, agitated, and less frequently, amused.

What's triggering rivalry?

Know the causes. Are you favouring one child over another in any way? Are you setting one-size-fits-all rules for your children? For instance, if one of your kids has turned a teenager, you simply cannot treat him/her as a five-year-old - he/she might need a greater degree of personal space than the younger one. You can consult counsellors to get to the bottom of how your parenting style is causing sibling rivalry.

Don't compare

Comparing one child with the other can be a cardinal sin. If you have been drawing comparisons, stop it immediately. Each child is unique. So, if one of your children is better than the other/s when it comes to academic abilities, do not harp on his/her achievements and belittle the other child's weak points. Let each of your children develop their individual skill sets without suffering any kind of inferiority complex.

No meddling

If fights get ugly, you can intervene. But don't be too meddlesome. Also, during such fights, try to be as impartial as possible, without declaring any of them the winner. Instead tell them that there can be differences, but they need to settle the issues themselves. Otherwise you need to interfere and set some ground rules for harmonious co-existence.

The different forms of sibling rivalry

Parents are often amazed at the different forms that sibling rivalry can take and how creative and mean children can be to their siblings. Here are just a few of the ways that children can provoke one another:

• name-calling,

• blaming,

• poking,

• stealing things,

• lying,

• challenging a belief,

• arguing,

• simply looking at each other,

• tattling,

• breaking something that belongs to the other one,

• hitting,

• throwing something at the other one,

• hiding something that is important to the other one.