“I have nothing to fear now” : The journey of a gay man discovering his sexuality

COIMBATORE: Veerasekar, one of the few openly gay people in the city, heaved a huge sigh of relief when the Supreme Court struck down Section 377 and decriminalized “unnatural sex”. “We now have a legal right to tell a policeman not to invade our privacy and that we are not doing anything ‘wrong’ or against the law,” said the man who hails from Karaikudi.

Veerasekar realized he had a liking towards boys even when he was a Class IV student in a government school. “It was not sexual, but I wanted to impress them and be liked by them. In class, I and another boy were mutually attracted to each other, and he even kissed me. But before we started maturing, the boy left school. From Class IX, I accepted the fact that I was attracted to boys. I also got into a relationship with another boy in my school,” he said. “But I was always scared that I was a freak. I was scared that my boyfriend and I were the only different or weird people in the world. I even thought we had a scary disease,” he added. “I felt like I was living in confinement.”

While Veerasekar was on the path to self-discovery about his sexuality, his school and college mates began realizing that he was different. “I was uncomfortable when they would comment on or discuss girls. Many boys and girls would make fun of the way I was slightly feminine or even gender neutral and not masculine. By the final year in college, I changed the way I walked, talked and sounded, so I don’t feel different. I also tried harder to fit in with my male friends, so we all feel comfortable on trips and outings,” he said. 

“My family realized it too, but ignored it believing it was just a phase.” It was when he was pursuing his post-graduation and he lost his mother that he confided it to one of his closest aunts. “She shockingly accepted me. Then I began sensitizing my sisters and other aunts, through movies and books and slowly confided to them. They too accepted me,” he said. “Now they have to be less concerned about me. The world has now become an oyster, where I don’t have to hide and have nothing to fear.” he added.