Government jobs are back!

Subbu came to me with a serious face. ‘I am worried,’ he said. ‘We have a health issue.’ I asked him if he needed to see a doctor. Subbu said he did not want to see the doctor. He had seen the morning news and got the fright of his life.
 
‘Did you know that Sunny Leone has become a topper in some State government public health engineering department exam,’ he said. 

‘She got 98.5%.’
‘Oh wow,’ I replied. I am impressed with her. Beauty and brains. Formidable combination. Good for her.’

‘Arre you are not understanding the real problem,’ said Subbu. ‘In fact, this news means there are several problems. If Sunny is the topper in that exam I think we have reason to worry about. I don’t think it is good for the State Department. And if it is not good for the State health engineering department, then it is not good for us.’

‘Don’t be so sexist,’ I said, defending Sunny valiantly. ‘And judgmental. Why cannot Sunny write and top this exam or any exam?’
Subbu shook his head.

‘I don’t mind if Sunny becomes a health inspector or health minister or whatever because she will have a healing effect on people I think,’ he said.
‘But that is not my problem.’

‘Then what is your problem,’ I asked aggressively, standing up for Sunny. ‘Look, my problem is this. Why is someone as rich and famous as Sunny Leone writing a government exam in a State Department? Is she not getting enough job opportunities? Or has she realised that there are more opportunities in state government jobs?’
‘Hmm,’ I said. ‘I didn’t think of it that way.’

‘Are our government jobs so good that Sunny Leone wants to apply, study hard and pass the exam? For all you know she must have taken coaching for the exam also.’

I checked online to see if Subbu got his facts right. ‘You are right,’ I said. ‘It says Sunny Leone got the first rank in the Public Health Engineering Department. There is more. The second spot went to Mr Om Puri’s son and the third one went to some big shot who is not willing to reveal his name. It is typed in as ‘bvcx2bnnnn’. These three people have secured the first, second and third spots in the exams. It’s very interesting.’

‘Dude, it’s quite clear,’ said Subbu. ‘My guess is that even the third guy on the list, bvcx2bnnn, is an actor. If Sunny and these others are joining and topping the government department exams it means that they find these jobs more profitable than the movie line. I think we should also apply for these jobs. And quickly.’

‘Wait,’ I said. ‘The Health Minister said that these people have not yet been selected. They may be fakes. He says whoever it is, they will be first counselled and after they produce documentary proof they will be selected. Do you think that maybe Sunny did not write these exams and someone else used her name and wrote them?’
Subbu nodded.

‘Counselling is a good idea. If Sunny did not write the exam that means that the topper of the exam is some crazy Sunny fan and that is not good news for the department again. We can’t have such lunatics running around pretending to be Sunny, dressing up like Sunny and affecting the health engineering department. But what if it is really Sunny who wrote the exam?’
‘Why is that a problem?’ I asked. ‘That means all these out-of-work Bollywood chaps will start applying for all the government jobs here. More importantly, how will any work get done in the public health department with Sunny around?’