Bigg Boss House Syndrome

China, where it all began is slowly limping back to normalcy. The government is focusing on economy and people are coming back to life as they have known it slowly but surely. What one did not perhaps foresee was the spike in divource rates. According to a report on Bloomberg Chinese cities such as Xi'an and Dazhou recorded high number of divource filings at the beginning of March, creating backlogs in government offices. Since February 10, a total of 311 marriages hav registered in the city of Milou. However, the number of divource registrations has also reached 206, with a maximum of 18 divource procedures per day, according to an official report. (thehill.com)

When asked for the reasons, trivial matters in life that led to escalation of conflicts, and the extra time spent with families could have been too much, were thought to be the triggers. Everyone needs space – in life, in marriage. And during these days of confinement, that otherwise should have been counted as quality time spent with family, can quickly become an ordeal and lead to strife. Add to that the external stimuli like the constant fear of the virus, the stress of reading news on the pandemic and the regular updates messing our head.

During the beginning of the lockdown period there have been many jokes and messages on how we used to watch the game show 'Bigg Boss' where people were confined to staying inside a house for a set duration, and now we are all part of the big game with not being allowed to step out and locked in for atleast another week or two. During the time it was a joke, but as days progress the stress of being restricted pressure of working from home, and the increased responsibilities of home care in the absence of help, may take its toll. Being in a lockdown itself is taxing on mental peace, and unless we take conscious decision to maintain peace and calm within the confines of our homes, the constant proximity can lead arguments, fights, not just between husband and wife. Children especially, with nothing much to do can end up becoming restless and into fighting mode. And then, our homes are bound to, in reality, become Bigg Boss Houses minus the cameras.

How to co-exist with your family members and your spouses during this lockdown period? What can families expect and how can they survive not only the virus, but each other?

SangeethaKosuru - Psychologist & Mind Therapist from " You Are Happiness - Life Coaching & Life Counselingcenter", shares -For parents trying to work from home, their ability to do so will rely on various factors from the age of their children and the layout of their home to the nature of their work. The temperament of parents and kids will also play a role.

With routines disrupted and families thrown into close quarters, cabin fever is a real danger. It is exacerbated by predispositions and thought processes that can manifest as anxiety, extreme frustration, depression or low mood.

Self-isolation can hit three critical components of mental health: our sense of autonomy, relatedness (a sense of being connected to others) and competency (feeling effective).

However, there is a way out..

Begin on the same page

"I'd suggest at the very start the family sit down and devise a family contract," Sangeetha says. "Have a discussion: what do you think will be the biggest challenges? What are the strengths that we each have as an individual family member that can help out?" Discussing concerns and expectations about the quarantine, and what role each person can play to make it better, can be helpful, she says. "Forewarned is forearmed."

Be truthful

It is important for parents to listen to and empathise with their children's fears, speak truthfully about the situation in an age-appropriate manner and put it into context, the experts say.

"Have conversations for facts and feelings," Critical to allaying fears will also be allowing children a sense of control, such as over their personal hygiene.

For adults too, keeping a sense of perspective and sourcing information and advice from credible sources will help stave off anxiety. Amos says it's important for people to be open about what they are experiencing, to reduce any possible stigma or embarrassment attached to self-isolation.

Set up structure

Maintaining a routine will be important but it need not be strict. "Routines are always helpful for people to see an endpoint,"

Families should try to enjoy having more spare time than usual, especially what can be very rare downtime for kids. Parents can be prepared with games, craft, schoolwork and books, but allowing more screen time than normal will not be catastrophic.

Tips for Spouses

It is important during the lockdown period to support your spouse in the house hold work and in managing children inspite of working from home.

♥ Clearly define what each one you are expected to do every day as a ritual till this lockdown is over.

♥ This lockdown period is not a time to engage in personal egos, when life is at stake.

♥ It is important to focus on the safety of the family from Corona rather than aggravating personal differences during the lockdown period.

♥ This is also a time to see if two people can sort their personal differences through discussion and dialogue and see the relationship in the new light during the lockdown.

Communication with kids is the key

During Corona lockdown period, the most difficult thing to handle is children and their fights, especially now that they are in closed doors for long.

Yes the fights can be reduced but cannot be removed completely.

Whatever you do as a parent , communicate carefully to your kids about the coronavirus, Sangeetha Kosuru stressed.

"It's incredibly critical for parents to be honest in their communication, to not lie about how serious this is, but to also model a sense of calm or a sense of resilience during this situation," she advised. "If you panic, they're going to panic."

Dealing with a meltdown (fight) among children :

What are some of the best ways to cope with an escalating outbreak of sibling anger?

Take a time out:

No one is ever too old to take a time out, experts say (even parents).

"They can take a breather, bring their emotions back down," "Because it's really hard to have a constructive conversation when your emotions are particularly heightened."

Use "I" statements:

"Then you'd want to have them come back and, very similar to how you would want adults to resolve arguments, you would encourage them to do things like speak in what we call 'I' statements. So instead of saying things like, 'You took my such and such,' an 'I' statement might be, 'I felt really hurt when I saw that you took such and such," Sangeetha explains.

In psychology, 'I' statements are often used to defuse arguments -- and later keep them from starting at all.

They encourage a child [or adult] to express how they're feeling. And, they also make it less likely for the other person to get defensive, so you are more able to have a constructive back and forth."

No name-calling:

Obviously, don't let the children call each other names (yes, that's easier said than done).

Stay focused on the now:

You don't want to allow the children to bring up things that happened the day before or the week before (as so many of us adults do). Just keep it to the argument or fight of that moment.

Common points to agree upon

♥ In this hour of crisis let's not focus on petty issues

♥ Arguments and fights are not a priority

♥ Elders and parents need to mediate and create peace in the house

♥ If someone is upset they can spend some lone time in their room and communicate their hurt and feelings on WhatsApp

♥ We need to together protect each other from Corona and support each other for the same.

Consider using the popular "Apple" technique to deal with anxiety and worries

♥ Acknowledge: Notice and acknowledge the uncertainty as it comes to mind.

♥ Pause: Don't react as you normally do. Don't react at all. Pause and breathe.

♥ Pull back: Tell yourself this is just the worry talking, and this apparent need for certainty is not helpful and not necessary. It is only a thought or feeling. Don't believe everything you think. Thoughts are not statements or facts.

♥ Let go: Let go of the thought or feeling. It will pass. You don't have to respond to them. You might imagine them floating away in a bubble or cloud.

♥ Explore: Explore the present moment, because right now, in this moment, all is well. Notice your breathing and the sensations of your breathing. Notice the ground beneath you. Look around and notice what you see, what you hear, what you can touch, what you can smell. Right now. Then shift your focus of attention to something else - on what you need to do, on what you were doing before you noticed the worry, or do something else - mindfully with your full attention.