Burden of exams and other demons

I am 15 years of age and I study in class 10. I hate my parents. They fight a lot and beat me and my two sisters for no reason. My grandmother tries to help us, but no one listens to her. I hate my life. I hate my situation. What can I do?

I am really sorry that you're going through so much at such a young age, and the fact that your exams are just around the corner isn't making it any easier either. The one place we look for when we want a break from the rigours of school and studies is home. And if home is turbulent, one feels a sense of despair. I'm not sure why your parents don't seem to get along, but whatever the reason, I can see how it's disturbing all three of you. Let me see what I can do to make this a little easier for you.

• Try being on your own with your siblings in your room.

• Try not to take sides when your parents fight; sometimes it makes matters worse.

• Try diverting your mind from the gravity of the situation. I know it's really hard to do so and easier to say; but keeping emotionally away from the unpleasantness, sometimes, works.

• Try if possible, to study for your exams coming up next month. It's important to do well.

• After your class 10 exams, it might be worthwhile thinking of a boarding school for you for the eleventh and twelfth and maybe, for your siblings as well.

• Take your grandmother's help for this. I'm sure her wisdom is going to help you decide.

• It might also help to have a chat with one or both your parents, and explain to them, how much all the unrest at home is disturbing you all.

• Seek professional help to tide over your issues. A professional therapist might be able to help you cope and also advise your parents.

Chin up! Hang in there!! Don't give into negative impulses and harm yourself.

I wish you great fortitude for now and forever!

A small note for -parents!!

Dear Parents, see how adult issues can kill the self-esteem and mar the future of a child.

Let children not grow up normalising violence, and abuse. Their whole future will be disturbed.

Keep your fights away from the children.

Please seek professional help to sort out your issues.

Dont take your anger out on the children, no matter what.

Domestic abuse and violence has a profound effect on the growing psyche of a child and many children today suffer from depression, anxiety, eating disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder and indulge in self-harm and suicidal behavior.

Let's save our children!

Let us give them a future that isn't marred by their past.

It shouldn't hurt to be a child!

- Dr Purnima Nagaraja,

Consultant Psychiatrist and Psychotherapist.

I am 17 and in class 12.

My parents give me everything I need but the problem is that for every small thing, they scold me and even embarrass me in public by criticising me. My brother also scolds me a lot. I feel very sad, I feel like running away from home. I cannot concentrate on my studies. What can I do?

Being a teenager is a challenge by itself; the transition phase between childhood and adulthood. All teenagers go through a natural amount of turbulence and emotional upheavals as a natural journey. It is especially a difficult time when expectations are not matching, and it can lead to criticising behaviour.

criticism is often a result of fears that your parents are not communicating, or from society's pressures that they are trying to enforce on you. Being in 12th class, there is a tendency for parents to be fearful about children's performance, as well as an anticipation of separation as children may move away to college.

You haven't mentioned details about your plans, but I would like to encourage you to think from their perspective about the emotional changes and role changes that your family will face once you finish schooling and enter college life, and connect with them in conversation.

As you are so close to your exams, first and foremost, I suggest that you communicate a need for time and some bit of support from your family.

Although you have negative thoughts such as those of running away from home, remember that these are thoughts that you should not act upon.

While the situation is not very supportive, it is taking care of your basic needs. You can change your situation only when you channelise your energies towards your success rather than being pulled down by the environment.

While having an honest conversation with your parents, try to give them examples of times when they were supportive, or when you had positive conversations that felt helpful to you, and try to be neutral in your request.

Don't blame, over-react, or shout, as this can increase your communication gap. Remind them of the common interest at this moment, your exams and your performance.

Your brother is also maybe just mimicking your parents rather than knowing why he is critical. So, give him a chance.

Just remember to pause and think if there is actually a valid reason for their behaviour. All of us have blind spots, which we are not aware of. In any case, a neutral opinion is very much needed. You can request some good family friend or relative to advice your parents to consider family therapy for all of you. A professional can guide the family through the challenges of communication and the changing needs of different generations.

All the best!

- Dr Vasuprada Kartic,

Anthroposophic counsellor and Psychotherapist.

- This feature is in support of 'Rotary Kshemam' initiative for safe and happy communities. Do you have any relationship-related queries or issues with your friends, loved ones or family? For informed advice by professionals, send in your questions to [email protected].