Gaslighting effect and symptoms

A woman came to me complaining of stress, sleep problems, and an inability to eat properly. She told me about her family: she works as an assistant professor at a college, her husband is an IT professional, and they have two teenage children who are studying inter and engineering.

She said her husband belittles her in front of everyone, even though she is very successful in her career and has won many awards. He tells her that she only got her job because she is good-looking and that she is useless at home.

She also said she cooks very well, but her husband never appreciates her work and instead criticises her looks, character, and behaviour. She has been isolated from her friends, relatives, and colleagues for the past 10 years and is under constant supervision and monitoring. She cannot talk to anyone, object, question, or ask for anything to improve her situation. She even came to me without telling her husband.

All of her money is controlled by her husband, and she is only given a small amounts for her transport only by bus. All of the properties are in his name. Her parents and siblings sometimes take her husband’s side because he is very good at manipulating people. Even after any fight, we will stop talking for some days; I go and apologise for the event irrespective of the situation. I feel like I would like to take shelter under him. I think it is not fair on my part to leave the husband doing great injustice to my kids, denying their right to have father.

She said that she was exhausted and could not sleep properly. She doesn’t know how to face the situation but doesn’t want to leave her husband because she has two children. She asked me for help to be strong and bold enough to face this difficult situation.

I had extensive interaction with her to know about life so Our team could evaluate her situation; she is undergoing depression, suffering from learned helplessness, and experiencing gaslighting by her husband. This is coming under gaslighting; gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that makes you question your beliefs and perception of reality.

Over time, this manipulation can wear down your self-esteem and self-confidence, leaving you dependent on the person gaslighting you.

Signs of gaslighting:

l Insist you said or did things you know you didn’t do

l Deny or scoff at your recollection of events

l Call you “too sensitive” or “crazy” when you express your needs or concerns

l Express doubts to others about your feelings, behaviour, and state of mind, and create a story to support yourself.

l Twisting or retelling events to shift blame to you

Signs you’ve experienced gaslighting:

Experiencing gaslighting can leave you in self-doubt, not to mention overwhelmed, confused, and difficult to make decisions on your own.

l An urge to apologise all the time

l Believing you can’t do anything right

l Frequent feelings of nervousness, anxiety, or worry

l A loss of confidence, too sensitive

l Feeling disconnected from your sense of self, as if you’re losing your identity

l Believing you’re to blame when things go wrong

l A persistent sense that something isn’t right, though you can’t identify exactly what’s wrong

l A lingering sense of hopelessness, frustration, or emotional numbness

We are working on it to build her self-esteem and image; she is recovering from the pain and trauma. Please take help if you are suffering like this.