Happy home delivery app!

I see a great business opportunity,' said Subbu, collecting a food parcel from a delivery boy.

'What?' I asked.

'With so many apps, our lives have become super easy,' he said. 'We don't need to do anything. Everything is home delivered. It's giving me a few ideas.'

'Like what?' I asked.

'It's obvious that people don't like to work,' he said. 'They don't like to drive, go out and buy groceries, books, clothes, cook etc. And they are willing to pay someone else to do that work. If there is such a big market for these basic needs, imagine the market for home delivering high-end stuff.'

'What are you talking about?' I asked.

'The important aspects of life dude,' said Subbu. 'Like office work for example. Everyone hates work. So, if you don't want to go to work, call us, we will go and work for you.'

'What nonsense,' I said. 'How can you do that?'

'Why not? When you can home deliver electricians, maids, cooks why can't we home deliver executive work? Or any important work?'

'But how will he pay you if you take over his job?' I asked. 'You won't be cheap right?'

'He can go and get a better job. Or do some scam. Or do real estate. He'll have a lot of free time now.'

'What if it's a complex job?' I asked. 'Like politics. Or brain surgery. How will you do it?'

'Look, we can do any job,' said Subbu. 'If it's a mid-level job that involves some skill, we'll hire his colleagues or subordinates to do his job for some extra money. There's a good chance he'll get promoted mind you because most times these people are better than him.'

'And top-level jobs?' I asked.

'Oh, they're easier,' he said. 'They don't need any skill. Mostly the top people keep meddling with things and messing it up. So, we tell them we'll do their job, and do nothing. Everybody's happy, productivity increases, he gets great ratings and we get paid.'

'I'm not so sure about that,' I said. 'Another exciting area we can enter is relationships,' said Subbu. 'Most people don't know how to have relationships with other people. We can home deliver good relationships.'

'What? How?' I asked.

'We hire people who are trained to keep the relationship happy,' said Subbu. 'They'll say nice things, buy stuff, remember dates and anniversaries, never talk back etc. Do you get the picture? Keep out of the way is the mantra. Do little, speak little and collect the cheque.'

'But what happens to the original relationship?' I asked.

'Why do you need that anymore?' said Subbu. 'Everyone's happy right?'

'Something's not right about all this,' I muttered.

'Arre, if you can have an app to buy flowers and jewellery, why can't you have an app for happy relationships?' countered Subbu. 'Another potential area is childcare and parents. We can offer to deal with their children, grow them, send them to college, take them on vacation etc. – and all this, without messing the kids with our stories. Similarly, we can spend time with parents, listen and collect cheque or get included in their will. All services home delivered.'

'You mean you'll take over their entire life,' I said.

'Look, we're only making their lives better by handling areas they cannot handle,' said Subbu. 'For a small fee. A small price to pay for a perfect life - Home delivered.'

'Ever considered dying for them?' I asked. 'For a small price?"

Subbu shook his head. 'Sadly, no. One, because they're doing a good job of it by themselves. And anyway, who'll do their work if we die.'