How do I comfort myself after a loved one’s loss?

When a loved one dies, it is not something that anyone wants to see. But if such a thing does happen, how do you go beyond this grief? For some reason, this life chose to leave. The choice may not be a conscious, mental choice. He or she as a person might not have chosen to leave but the life has chosen to leave. This is something that you must respect. When that life is here, you do everything to nourish and save it but once it has left, you should learn to respect that. This is very important. You must send this life gracefully.

This is not to belittle or trivialise anyone’s loss but the fact of life is such, that which slips beyond the realm of what you call as life right now, is not yours anymore. What has happened is a reality. It is not with any insensitivity that I am saying this, but it is time to accept it the way it is.

If someone very dear to you has passed away, this is not the time to become miserable. Please look at what your loved one would wish for yourself and your family. Would he or she wish for you to live well or live badly? Of course they would wish for you to live well. The first and foremost expression of love that you can have for someone is that you fulfil their wishes. They wanted you to live well. Please live well.

If it is a parent that has passed away, then please see that they did their best to bring you up, whichever way they knew. In shops everywhere I see “best mom”, “best dad” cards. There is no best mom or best dad. They just did their best in whichever way they knew best.

As they were bringing you up, they were going through their own limitations and struggles. In spite of that, they did their best. Look upon that with a great sense of gratitude because for many reasons, you are who you are today because of them. Let that gratitude be there and fulfill their one wish that they would want you to live happily.

This does not mean you do not feel any sense of loss. There is loss. When a person occupies so much space, not just physical space, but space in one’s life, and then they are gone, there will be a certain emptiness that you have to deal with. But you do not have to deal with it miserably.

This is a time to cherish all the wonderful things that she did to you. Make a list of all the wonderful things that she did and live one situation every day like that. If you have enjoyed your mother’s presence, instead of becoming miserable, cherish who she was to you.

Ranked amongst the fifty most influential people in India, Sadhguru is a yogi, mystic, visionary and a New York Times bestselling author Sadhguru has been conferred the Padma Vibhushan by the Government of India in 2017, the highest annual civilian award, accorded for exceptional and distinguished service.