Its Valentine's week. Single, ready to mingle

Its Valentine's week, and statistics have proved that depression on account of being single and with no companion to celebrate the much-hyped Valentine's day is on a rise. But there is also this huge section of young Indians, who are happy with their single status and are in no mood to hook up; a fling may be, a steady date is also fine, but commitment is surely a big no. So, what makes them tick…

"We do date, especially with dating apps giving enough options. Its not that we don't want a committed relationship. We either do not get the right man, or like in my case, the man is not interested in commitment," says Praveena, a writer by profession.

Hits and Misses

She found her boyfriend on Tinder, but after many hits and misses. "There are all kinds of people online. There are also many who are looking to just have a fling of the physical kind; some are on solo travel and are looking for a date for the duration of travel, there are also many, who just want someone to talk to, like a friend or confidante, a few others are looking for serious relationships; but my experiences have taught me that dating sites are surely not where you need to be if you want to get married or are looking for committed relationship."

There have been many experiences of hers and her friends that led Praveena to feel this way. There was one boy whom she found on a dating site, they went steady very quickly, proclaimed love for one another to the point of marriage looming in the horizon. One fine day the boy went to his hometown and bingo…he cut all communication. It was almost like nothing existed between them. What is love without heartbreak; however, this was one bad heartbreak, which took a long time to heal, she shares.

"I am skeptical about online dating now. As I feel that these sites are just becoming money-minting machines. Also, you do have bad experiences…Recently, I got a match and we were exchanging texts and decided that we will meet. D-Day came, and I was a nervous-wreck as it was my first time. I arrived first and was waiting for my 'Tinder date'. She arrived and we started off well. Slowly, I was also getting comfortable. Then out of the blue my Tinder Date started crying. I calmly asked her what happened; she said it was nothing, she just remembered her ex-boyfriend and how he was a jerk to her. She did not stop and after five minutes she was wailing in the cafe. People in the cafe, as usual, gave me 'the-boy-must-have-done-something' looks. I somehow convinced her to leave and booked a cab for her. And from that day on I prefer meeting girls in real life and then go for dating," says 25-year-old Suresh Dev, a corporate employee.

Sadhna found a perfect match on one of the sites; they chatted online at length over quite many days, before deciding to meet. A date was decided; she reached the agreed upon location, even while constantly checking his whereabouts. He was close by and will be reaching in a few minutes was his last WhatsApp message, and then it turned out to be a dead end. Sadhna was evidently disturbed and wondered what must have gone wrong. She was stood up, and it felt bad.

Did the boy develop cold feet, was he not sure of taking the online dating to the next level, or, well, this is surely an important possibility, was he faking his profile?

The fake ones

Karuna has a male friend, a happily married one, who gets on to Tinder whenever his wife is out of town. He maintains his social media handles in such a way that there isn't even one picture of his with his wife, and evidently, he may be faking his marital status for a few moments of fun. This may turn from disappointing to ugly for the girl he may become involved with. But he says its only for a chat to pass his time.

There is an article from 2017 on Hindustan Times that says - A global survey about a year ago revealed that 30 percent of Tinder users were married, and 12 percent were already in a relationship. If we apply that to the estimated user base of 50 million, that's 15 million spouses, and an additional six million partners. That means, ostensibly, that for every 10 contacts offered, 10 matches made, and 10 racy conversations entertained, about every third one is with a married person. And this includes women as well.

Conservative estimates suggest this number would have considerably increased over the years. Then, where does that leave the real sincerely single ones trying to find a partner. Their chances of finding suitable in every way kind of matches become even more slim.

Age factor

And as one grows in age, it only becomes more difficult, says 32-year-old K Gopal Srinivas, a corporate employee. "It seems very hard as adults to find good pairing people, because we know who we are and what we want and what we are willing to compromise on. We are much less flexible than when we were young."

"I feel like I'm at a point where I'm quite rooted in my own self/identity and finding someone who matches nicely with that is becoming a bit of a situation, he adds.

"Dating is pretty hard here when you hit 30. As we Indians by suo motu have allocated time to everything. Like finishing PG by 22, getting job married by 25 and two kids when you hit 30. And till date we are stuck in same routine. Unlike UK or US where people in their 40s enroll in PG courses...Here people are frowned upon when they complete PhD by 30. Same logic applies in dating. Women on dating apps such as Tinder, Bumble, etc, hardly reply when they are matched with someone. For people above 30, in India, portals like Shaadi.com serve as dating services," says 34-year-old, Pranith M, a software engineer in Hyderabad.

Yet, according to a survey done on 86,000 Indians aged 25-35 by OK Cupid dating site 69% of men and 56% of women preferred meeting potential partners online as opposed to their family and friends setting them up.

The silver lining

"All is not bad with online dating. I did find my boyfriend on Tinder. It's just that I treated it like a casual relationship, and now even though he loves me, he finds it hard to commit," relates Praveena

Ravinder Singh, the author of a long list of romance novels like 'I Too Had A Love Story', 'Your Dreams are Mine Now' and 'Like It Happened Yesterday' says during an interview, "It is very easy to find someone to be in a relationship with. Relationship and love are two very different things. Technology has made it easy to fall in relationship but difficult to be in love. Apps wouldn't find you love; they can provide you the opportunity, but it is you who has to strive to find love.

He makes a valid point. A common theory about love, be it online or offline, is that one cannot find love. One only finds individuals that match your views, your personality and who make you feel happy and comfortable – in short, who makes you feel positive about life in general. And then, over the time, and when the relationship develops – love blossoms – and to put it poetically – you will know when it happens. Until then, do keep your eyes open, and use a bit of discretion and a whole lot of common sense before partaking your heart to a stranger you may have met online or offline. The consequences might vary from a mild heart break to a major risk and mental trauma. Those guitars you may be imagining to be playing in the background for someone whom you just met, are just waves of infatuation blinding your senses. Take your time, let those guitar strains become stronger and clearer. For; it takes a moment to fall in love with the wrong guy, and a lifetime to get over the wounds. Love is the most invaluable emotion – with the right partner it becomes the most delightful experience as well.