To understand your kids.. first understand self

My daughter is 27 years old and works for a software firm. While we found

a suitable groom for her, she confessed that she is in love with her colleague and marry only him.

Our entire family is disappointed and an uncomfortable cloud of silence enveloped our home and

my daughter stopped interacting with us. And her father insisting that she must resign to job. I am becoming hyper many times, as a mother and wife, getting crushed in between. Please advice.

Dear Madam...

This kind of problem is in many homes. I understand your state of mind as parents towards your daughter. Please do not presume that the upbringing of your daughter is faulty or inadequate. Firstly You must pay more attention towards understanding yourself and your attachment style with your parents. What kind of parenting have you experienced with your parents? This will make you understand why you are behaving like this with your daughter. Why is this anxiety taking away your sleep? The root cause is not your daughter's behaviour but your unfulfilled, unfinished psychological needs as a child are impacting your present state of mind and you are panicking. Secondly, try to understand your daughter's perspective. Is there a strong reason for you to reject your daughter's reality? Whether you oppose or support your daughter's decision, you need to understand a few things objectively. Treat your daughter as an individual who is matured, independent and capable of making decisions about her own personal life. The current generation of youth believes that they must have authority and choice over who they wish to get married. Please do not treat this mindset of your children as defiance. Please treat her independence as gift she obtained from your good upbringing. please think rationally and try to understand the compatibility of your daughter's preference of this boy through educate her to empower on the below issues to have harmony in the life.

Linguistic differences if any

Cultural variations and food variants

Difference in social and financial standing

Family background

Anticipated future problems

The financial history of groom family – Their liabilities and inheritances.

Make your daughter seriously consider these facts too apart. Also, the same idea must be seen from the groom side also towards your daughter. It will be a collective and informed decision for both, and you must guide this couple towards the real challenges they cannot escape in the future, however they are in love with each other. Still, you have doubts you can approach a professional psychologist to get the rational approach towards your daughter's problem.

(The writer is a counselling psychologist, you & Me, counselling center, Madhapur, baghlingampally, www.younme.co, [email protected], 9390771469)