Anger management: The need of the hour!

A tight slap delivered by an enraged Hollywood star Will Smith on the comedian Chris Rock at the 94th Annual Academy (Oscars) Awards appeared dramatic but the unsavoury episode has left us to ponder over anger management. In the same shot, two key phenomena-exhibition of anger and management of anger- were in full display in the globally televised incident.

For me, the comedian, the victim of a physical abuse right in front of kings and queens of the cinema world, proved to be the real hero with his super cool response. Knowingly or unknowingly, he had made a derogatory comment on the hair of Smith's ailing wife presuming that he cracked a super joke and ate humble pie. Even as Will Smith was cursing and cussing him after the smack, the comedian let it off with a lighter vein statement: "It was the greatest night in the history of television." A great take away for us!

Anger is danger

Anger, the most primitive emotions of humankind, is defined as a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure or hostility. It vacillates from mild frustration to absolute fury when there is a mismatch between what we expect inside and what happens outside.

Hannah Devlin, a PhD in biomedical imaging from the University of Oxford, says that when we are in anger, some activity is triggered in a small almond-shaped region in the brain called the amygdala.

"Anger can trigger the body's fight or flight response, causing the adrenal glands to flood the body with stress hormones, such as adrenaline, and testosterone, preparing us for physical aggression. But whether we actually end up swearing or scowling or even punching someone depends on a second brain area, the prefrontal cortex, that is responsible for decision-making and reasoning," she explains.

There is a good number of studies to find out whether anger is totally bad and whether its intensity is more in men than women. You can feel a fireball hitting the brain and a sharp needle piercing through your heart when this emotion is at work. Anger is thus seen as a Frankenstein monster that causes self-harm besides ruining peace and happiness of the others.

It is capable of changing the group dynamics and vitiating the homely environment and workplace atmosphere. In our day-to-day life, we come across people who exhibit anger with any slightest provocation. When they have power at their disposal, there is every possibility of displaying anger in many different ways.

It is observed that women, children and elderly persons are always at the receiving end of the wrath. Hapless employees often suffer in silence. Many great personalities ruined their reputation and career in the fit of rage.

Angry 'Iron' man

It is quite clear that pressure has a direct relation with anger. 'Iron' Mike Tyson, one of the highly gifted boxers, vouches for this. Tyson bit off Evander Holyfield's ear in the third round of their heavyweight rematch in 1997 leading to his disqualification from the match and suspension from boxing. The legendary Tyson, the most intimidating merciless boxer with speed, agility and raw power, was involved in several brawls outside the ring too throughout his career.

Tyson, the self-proclaimed baddest man on the planet, once revealed that he was a victim of fear and trauma. The youngest heavyweight boxer to have ever won the Heavyweight World Title (which he did at the age of only 20), disclosed in an interview to FightHype.com that he gets aggressive under pressure.

Given the lives of Tyson and some personalities I closely observed, I strongly feel a connection between the traumatized childhood and anger. When in anger, people with a history of childhood trauma may not know how to effectively control those emotions, resulting in strong anger impulses and destructive behaviours, according to Matthew Tull, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of Toledo, specialising in post-traumatic stress disorder. It is called Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED).

The French football captain Zinedine Zidane's infamous headbutt, the moment of extreme madness, in the extra time of the 2006 World Cup finals, to Marco Materazzi (Italy) is also a case in point. Zidane rammed his head into the Italy defender's chest only to be sent out of the crucial match with a red card. Even as Italy went on to win the title on penalty kicks, the world was after Zidane for his rudest behaviour.

The headbutt, one of the FIFA World Cup's most intriguing stories, was later found to be the result of an on-the-field tiff. Materazzi later disclosed that Zidane reacted that way when he had insulted his sister. There could be many stimuli triggering an outburst of this magnitude. Sports personalities deliberately irritate opponents to shake their mental frame.

An insult, disagreement, belittlement, criticism and marginalisation are some of the many things that can cause anger in others. We tend to get upset when our skills, capabilities and knowledge are doubted, and aspersions are cast on our good intentions.

Bollywood Badshah and co-owner of IPL franchise Kolkata Knight Riders, Shah Rukh Khan's behaviour at the Wankhede Stadium in Mumbai during an IPL 2012 match is still afresh in the memory of people. The ruckus he created in a fit of rage led to a ban on his entry into the stadium for five years.

Anger and religion

According to Bhagwat Geeta (16.21), there are three gates (kāmaḥ krodhas tathā lobhas) leading to the hell of self-destruction for the soul—lust, anger, and greed. Therefore, one should abandon all three, it says. In the New Testament, it is told to "be angry, but do not sin." Anger may not be an undesirable emotion but we shouldn't commit any sin under the influence of anger.

The Prophet of Allah comes up with practical solutions to fix the issue of anger. "When one of you becomes angry while standing, he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise he should lie down," The Prophet says.

The Quran recognises that controlling anger is a sign of righteousness. Prophet Mohammad says that the strong person is the one who has a control on his anger. Paradoxically, alas, the same 'anger' has been the root cause for communal hatred and religious carnage across the globe.

Seven tips to rein in anger

Here are seven highly practical suggestions I wish to suggest to tame our temper:

1) Listen to the signals: We are blessed with a natural ability to sense the signals of anger and frustration. Don't allow them to run over you. If you are not Will Smith or Mike Tyson, you would read the signals and take precautionary measures to keep the conversation or situation under control. 'Let it be' is the mantra of the moment, as displayed by Chris Rock.

2) Respond, not react: Even if you are unreasonably targeted, slow down your reaction and take note of the points made by the other person. Quite often, our thoughtless and instant reaction, instead of proper response, puts us in embarrassing situations. The best way is to put off your decision when something puts you off. Most importantly, don't exchange any text/pic/video or don't send a mail when you are in the grip of anger.

3) Take a deep breath and count numbers: Your body needs more oxygen as anger makes you numb and senseless. Deep breath is a proven remedy to control anger. The age-old medicine for anger is, counting numbers 1 to 50 or 1 to 100 depending on the severity of it. Both the exercises should be carried out simultaneously, they say.

4) Have water: Gulp down a glass of water, a readily available coolant, as soon as you read the warning bells. It would really help you calm down your nerves and engage the other person with sobriety.

5) Snap the ego plug: Anger always works on 'I.' Ego aggravates the matter and spoils your relation or complicates your life if you play into it when in anger. Don't add up previous issues to the present conversation.

6) Try humour: Though it is very very tough, humour can be tried to dilute the heated situation. Try to recollect a joke or a funny incident related to the situation you are in. You should avoid sarcasm at any cost.

7) Apologise/seek help: Don't blurt out and walk out. Close the issue then and there. If you carry the burden of a bad conversation, you can't focus on anything, let alone having a nice sleep. Even if you are not at fault, there is no harm in apologizing to your boss, a colleague or better-half. While apologizing, you can tell what you meant in two sentences. Master the art of anger management and lead a happy and peaceful life.

(The author, a PhD in Communication and Journalism, is a senior journalist, journalism educator and communication consultant)

The opinions expressed in this column are that of the writer. The facts and opinions expressed here do not reflect the views of The Hans India)