Living with myself

Jacqueline Berg describes how we can break out of our self-imposed prisons to which we have committed ourselves.

Recently I read an advertisement that said, "Be different. Be yourself." It reminded me of a story I once heard about a lion who had been separated from his parents at birth. He grew up in a flock of sheep. Because the cub believed himself to be a sheep, he behaved like one. He was a lion in a sheep-trance. The story of the lion is a bit like many of our stories. We too are often in a trance. We too seem to have forgotten who we really are. And because of this mistake, we have identified ourselves with different images and ideas. We have put on masks and have actually begun to believe that we are these masks. Of course it is impossible to be happy if you are a lion and live like a sheep. The secret of getting to know yourself is that there is something inside you that is totally different from what you pretend to be.

The only way to get to know this real self is through thorough research. Most people don't have time for this. Or should I say that they don't make time for this? That's the beauty of time: you can make it! During my research I came up with four things that are of vital importance. The first is silence. The second is the relationship with myself. Third is the relationship with the Supreme and finally comes my relationship with those around me. It is actually important to think of them in this order. We usually approach them the other way around. We are very concerned about the relationships we have with others, some of us think about God, few think of their inner self and hardly anyone has a relationship with silence.

Before I began meditation – some twenty-five years ago—silence was not very high on my priority list. I hadn't a clue what it was really. I was a workaholic, and workaholics don't waste time on futile hobbies like silence. My life was active, dynamic. And it ran in the family. After she got a divorce, my mother told me why she had always been so incredibly busy. She had literally been running away from the pain she had felt because of her unfulfilling marriage. It made me aware that work can be just another addiction, a way to cover up pain, a way to avoid the things we don't know how to deal with. So, that's the way I was brought up: never stopping, never being, always doing.

My inner journey started with the wish to break through this vicious cycle of running around; with trying to 'just be' for a change. The first few years in meditation weren't easy. I found it hard to relax and couldn't sit still. My creative mind kept racing. It was actually my body that came to my rescue and forced me to sit—or rather lie—still. Slowly but surely my mind accepted defeat; and while the white flag was hoisted, the silence set in.

It takes time to get used to being silent and doing 'nothing'. I remember one morning sitting on the sofa —meditating—when one of the neighbors passed by the window. Before I knew it I had picked up a magazine and pretended to be reading. For so long I had lived with the idea, "I do, therefore I am." I was afraid that the neighbors would think that I was doing nothing. But I was even more afraid of that inner voice, the Inner Critic, who had been pushing me beyond my limits for many years. Now that my mind was becoming more silent, I became more aware of this inner voice. It took me some time to understand what this inner criticism does, how destructive it is. Many people mistake criticism for intellectualism; they think it is good to have an opinion about everything and to judge others. But I have found that it is actually a very negative habit. It hurts others, but above all you hurt yourself with this kind of negative judgment. I think it derives from the wrong notion of perfectionism. Perfectionism is not the same as perfection, in the sense of completion. 'Being complete' means: being whole with all powers and virtues inside the self. Perfectionism is something different. Perfectionists try to control people and situations so that nothing goes wrong. They want everything to be smooth and can't handle a ripple in the pond. Instead of being focused on the beauty of life they are obsessed by the shortcomings and imperfections of themselves and others. They continually correct themselves and others—sometimes in words, always in thoughts.

Now I'm not saying that we shouldn't try to make things better and strive for perfection. After all, we all come from that state of inner harmony and wholeness. So, it is only natural that we would want to return to that state once more. But the projected anger at having lost your own perfection is not going to bring this wholeness back. In fact it creates a lot of problems in relationships. It is not easy to face, or even see, your own shortcomings. It is easier to see this in others and so the Inner Critic lashes out at others. And there is always something: the way someone dresses, talks, behaves … there's no end to it. But what we are actually doing is criticizing our own behaviour

The way to get to know the Inner Critic is to pay attention to your feelings: how do I feel about myself? How do I feel about other people? Recently my dentist told me that if he were to remove my mercury fillings, my feelings about myself would change. Isn't it amazing that something like that can actually change the way we feel about ourselves? Feelings can change so rapidly and there is so much influence, that the best way to look at feelings is: They are just feelings.

 Source: https://www.brahmakumaris.org/