How to Handle Gaslighting at Work

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser makes the victim question his or her own sanity. Gaslighters use several methods to dislodge the victim's sense of normalcy, trust, and confidence in themselves, in order to manipulate them into serving the abuser's needs.

This cycle of manipulation isn't always immediately obvious and can start out very subtly. It then compounds over time until the victim questions his or her every decision. Does this behavior sound familiar?

Gaslighting can occur in any kind of relationship, including work relationships. If you feel like you're being gaslighted by a boss, supervisor, or co-worker, this guide is for you. We'll cover how to spot a gaslighter, and how to address the behavior before it becomes a problem.

Remember, gaslighting is nothing less than manipulation, and should not be tolerated!

How To Recognize Gaslighting At Work

So maybe your boss isn't gaslighting, but how would you know if you don't know what to look for? Let's dive into what gaslighting actually looks like and how you might have missed some of its tell-tale signs.

Second-Guessing Yourself: A gaslighter's favorite weapon is making his or her victim constantly second-guess themselves. Every decision, every action, every opinion, every thought is under scrutiny from the gaslighter. Every time you do something, the gaslighter will make you think twice, which, over time, can completely shatter your sense of self-confidence and make you more vulnerable to their manipulation.

Trivializing Your Feelings: When you tell your gaslighter you feel a certain way, they'll likely belittle you for it or trivialize your feelings. How you feel doesn't matter to them, and they'll make you feel like it shouldn't matter to you, either.

Denial: A gaslighter will almost always deny anything negative they've done or said. Constant denial or lies can add up over time and actually start making you question your own sanity, especially if your gaslighter is particularly good at it.

Changing Events: Along with denial and lies comes changing events that have already occurred to fit the gaslighter's narrative. Are you sure you said that? I remember it this way. This is a favorite tactic to make you second-guess your very memories, which can make you feel like you're starting to lose your mind.

What To Do If It Happens At Work

There are some particular steps to take if you feel you're being gaslighted at work. Gaslighting is a difficult behavior to prove in itself, so you'll want to instead track the methods your gaslighter uses.

Track Everything

The moment you feel you're being gaslighted, start keeping records of every conversation, email, or interaction you have with your alleged gaslighter. What time did they visit you? What did they say? How did you respond? What tasks were assigned? Keep a journal, notes on your computer, or even voice memos on your phone of what occurred.

What you're doing is building a case against your gaslighter. You can't exactly go into the HR office and say "I'm being gaslighted by so-and-so" without some kind of proof. The more detailed your records are, the more solid your case will be.

Record-keeping also helps you remember that you're not losing your mind. When you look back on the conversations and interactions you've had with your gaslighter, you'll see that it's him or her that is the problem, not you.

Set Firm Boundaries

Boundaries aren't important because a gaslighter will respect them, but rather to show that you're not accepting of their behavior. You may run into an issue where people say something like "well, did you tell him you don't like what he's doing?" Setting boundaries with a gaslighter likely won't make them stop their behavior, but you'll have an added layer of protection in your case.

Even if you can't nail down the gaslighting behavior, if they continue to violate boundaries at work, it can be considered, at the very least, harassment.

Stand Up For Yourself

Once you've set boundaries and begun tracking your interactions, you'll need to make a stand. Emotional manipulation is not ok under any circumstances, especially when your very livelihood is at risk. Mental health at work is just as important as mental health at home in your personal life.

What Kind Of Person Gaslights?

While there's no definitive explanation for why people gaslight, nor is every case the same, usually gaslighting is something that stems from specific disorders. Narcissistic personality disorder is a good example, as people who suffer from the condition have a need to control others out of a misplaced sense of superiority.

The bottom line with gaslighting and the ultimate goal of the abuser is power. Power over others, the power to shape other peoples' lives, and the power to control how other people think. Don't let someone take control of your thoughts, memories, and your very sanity. Identify gaslighting quickly, document it, set boundaries, and stand up for yourself.