Obsessive husband always criticises her relatives’ actions

A distant relative called me one evening and started sharing the story of a couple. They were well-educated, professionally established, financially stable, and socially well-placed, but they had been experiencing intense conflicts for the past year. Despite their issues, they were not willing to involve their elders. He requested my help addressing the situation, and I agreed to try it.

The following day, the couple scheduled an appointment and came to meet with me. The husband had a religious appearance, while the wife had a more modest look. They presented themselves as a lower-middle-class family with two children working in the software industry at major multinational companies.

The wife expressed her frustration, explaining that her husband constantly dwelled on the past and would bring up questions about her family, such as why her uncle behaved in a certain way or why her father didn’t pursue a particular business opportunity. He also questioned why her mother lent money to others with interest. He had numerous doubts and criticisms, which often led to heated arguments. He insisted that she had no identity beyond being his wife.

On the other hand, the husband claimed that the wife was not communicative with his family and withheld information about her salary. He believed that she always prioritised her relatives over his.

After a few interactions and personality assessments, we identified that the husband was dealing with obsessive thoughts, anxiety, and compulsive behaviours. We initiated therapy sessions, and he shared that he had started viewing the world more positively and without unnecessary friction.

What are the obsessions?: Thoughts, images, or impulses that occur over and over again and feel out of the person’s control. The person does not want to have these ideas. They find them disturbing and unwanted and usually know they don’t make sense. They come with uncomfortable feelings, such as fear, disgust, doubt, or a feeling that things have to be done in a way that is “just right.” They take a lot of time and get in the form of important activities the person values.

Compulsions: Repetitive behaviours or thoughts that a person engages in to neutralise, counteract, or make their obsessions go away. People with OCD realise this is only a temporary solution, but without a better way to cope, they rely on the compulsion as a temporary escape. Compulsions can also include avoiding situations that trigger obsessions. Compulsions are time-consuming and get in the way of important activities the person values.

How do obsessions disturb relationships? Many couples have these issues, but they never visit any therapist to get them sorted out; people get adjusted to the challenges at home due to fear of sharing their things with others, afraid of the therapists they may hypnotise and change them, or they may have a severe problem which may not be curable, it may be revealed to all people. This is curable, and you can lead a happy life; the counselling process is confidential and scientific. No therapist will share the information even with your spouse with your spouse; due to this, they always fight over petty issues, and only they feel safe as per their obsessions and compulsions. With the help of CBT, we have him better, and he has less disturbance as the therapy sessions are going on.