Plus One: Worried about dating someone with kids? It doesn’t have to be as fraught with drama as the movie make it out to be

While dating someone with children can be challenging because it adds another layer of complexity to what is still a new, unsteady equation. In a way, its like you’re skipping a few steps ahead in your relationship, going from partners to parents much sooner than the norm. It’s not unusual to feel some trepidation going into a situation like this, but it doesn’t have to be a deal breaker. Here are a few ways to avoid unnecessary conflict and give your relationship a fighting chance.

Never rush into meeting the kids

Sure, you’re excited to meet the most important people in his life, and connect with them. It is best, however, to wait until you’re reasonably sure of a commitment from the father. See if you want to be in his life permanently, and let him set the pace for introductions.

Once the kids meet you there is no going back, so it would be unfair to establish a friendship with them if there is no intention to see it through. You should be prepared for them to be wary or hostile. As they see you as the new person in their fathers life. And know you will occupy some amount of attention.

You should always understand that kids will be his first priority

Dating someone with kids especially that young, comes with its own share of ups and downs. So it is probably best to be prepared for emergencies at all times. There’s no telling when a dinner date or other plan will be cancelled because the kids are unwell and need to be rushed to a doctor. Leave no room for resentment on this count, since this is most likely a non negotiable factor for the father.

You should realise that their former wife will forever be in their life

Do not feel insecure if your partner is in touch with his former wife when it comes to making decisions on their child/ children’s futures. Whatever your insecurities are talk about it rationally with your partner, and never in front of the kids. Remember she is their mother, she will always take priority in their lives.

You will have to accept that they will be Co parents for lie, and not get in the way of that. If that bothers you too much, sit down with your partner and come up with a list of dos and don’ts that are acceptable to both of you.

Find out what the future holds for you

If you’re looking at walking down the aisle with this man, and wanting kids of your own, talk about whether he is ready to have another child with you. Often children are insecure if a parent has children with their current partner. It is up to both parties to keep this insecurity at bay, by making sure the kids get the same level of attention.