April Fooled!

‘There’s something on your nose,’ I cried. ‘April Fool!’ ‘I wouldn’t do that again if I were you,’ warned my colleague coldly. ‘It’s a harmless prank,’ I protested. He eyed me suspiciously. ‘You are a fool to believe that,’ he said. ‘April Fool is another conspiracy by the West to weaken our culture. Play an Indian prank if you want to. We will not allow foreign cultures to make fun of Indians.’ ‘But I played the prank,’ I said. ‘Not some foreign culture.’ ‘They use fools like you to further their interests,’ he said. ‘How dare you call Indians fools?’ I started sweating. I seemed to have got entangled in some foreign conspiracy unwittingly.

‘We will not allow anything to weaken our glorious culture,’ he said. ‘What do you plan to do?’ I asked wanting to know my fate. He twirled his moustache and slapped his thigh like Shikhar Dhawan. ‘We have anti April Fool’s squads roaming around. Anyone playing an April Fool prank will be counseled by our squads,’ he said. ‘One tight slap to remind them of our culture, then we file cases on them.’ ‘On what charges?’ I asked nervously. ‘The usual. Hurting sentiments. Disrupting communal harmony and peace.

We have filed 30 cases this year.’ he said. ‘But aren’t you hurting people and not the other way around?’ I asked. ‘Tough love,’ he said. ‘Makes our nation strong.’ ‘We will film the whole act and show it to their parents,’ he said. ‘No more mischief.’ ‘But our culture permits playing mischief,’ I protested. ‘I know,’ he said. ‘But there is a way to do it. We have a board to look into how one should play mischief.

The ‘Board of Mischief’ comprises of all the eminent mischief makers in our country who will certify what is ‘our’ mischief and what is ‘foreign’ mischief. ’What if your board plays mischief?’ I asked. He got angry. ’If you question our board, you are questioning our culture. It’s a serious charge - cultural terrorism.’ I gulped.

‘Not only perpetrators of April Fools jokes, but even victims will be liable for action,’ he said. ‘OMG,’ I said. ‘Why?’ He looked at me severely. ‘Karma. Making friends with cultural terrorists is a crime.’ ‘Can this be proved as cultural terrorism? ‘ I asked. ‘Once we hand it over to the investigating agencies they can prove anything. It is a matter of national interest after all,’ he said.

‘So no more jokes huh?’ I asked seriously. ‘Don’t worry,’ he said. ‘We have a sense of humour too. Only no one understands it. We are formulating a draft plan on mischief. Like who can play mischief on whom. I don’t think our culture says everyone can play mischief on everyone. Once we introduce the program to play mischief, people can apply. Only the meritorious will be given approval of course.’

‘Looks like a lot of work,’ I said. ‘Yes, it’s our ‘April Fool Removal Party’s’ sole agenda,’ he said proudly. ‘But what will your party do on the other 364 days?’ I asked. He looked foolish. ‘We never thought of that,’ he confessed. ‘Why don’t you name your party Fool Removal Party,’ I suggested. ‘The public is being made fools of every single day anyway. That way you can work all year long.’ He liked my idea.

‘You’re not fooling me are you? he asked. ‘This is not some western conspiracy?’ I shook my head sincerely. ‘In fact our culture says we can only fool those who are capable of being fooled, not those who are already there.’ I removed myself while he was thinking about it. April Fool again dude!

By: Harimohan Paruvu