Attachment to detachment

A lot happens in our day to day life and a lot is discussed and understood between parents and children. This is possible only when parents are open to any kind of thought process of their children. An open questioning platform, as well as a broad-minded and matured response of the parents only, can define a wonderful human being in a child while they are in their growing years.

It is imperative for each individual parent whether a mother or a father to not take stands while the discussion is on. An argument which is threat bare and discussed in all its nudeness can only develop a transparent understanding of different concepts in unique tender mindsets.

It is wise to not undermine the intellect level of children these days. Sometimes the questions which are posed by children are so logical that they actually reveal the disguised staleness in our views.

Sometimes their views look like a fresh air breeze which the children spill on us; which in turn makes us believe how truthful and responsible they are to this universe in accepting the facts and believing in them sincerely.

One such interesting discussion with a parent and child gave out this amazing thought process within and would love to share with all of you. A lot of times parents behave in a predefined structured way when they want to take any position. The mother and child after a long nag came to the final closure of a discussion:

Child: Are you angry with me?

Mother: No.

Child: But I can feel the anger within you for me. Then why you don’t want to accept it.

Mother: I am really not angry and to be frank I don’t feel like discussing this anymore. Let’s talk about anything else or let’s keep mum for a while.

Child: Ok.

After a couple of minutes:

Child: I have a question, may I ask?

Mother: Yes.

Child: Why does a person need to fake an expression?

Mother: Well, there may be many reasons but one sound reason, which I know I will try to explain you. I don’t know if you will really understand at this age but let me try.

There is an old saying “Fake it till you make it”. It’s a very valuable saying. I bow down to the person who thought about this spiritual saying. Actually speaking, we as human beings are very attached to judging people. We judge others, we judge ourselves, we love opinions and we think that having opinions and expressing it, is actually a way of showing our wisdom, but that’s a myth.

Every time we judge someone we actually give a boost to our ego saying that we know more and that we are wiser than those whom we are judging. This particular thought of boosting our ego gets taller and taller by the energy we give it every time we judge others.

Child: So you mean we should not any opinion?

Mother: We may have opinions but expressing them for boosting our ego or showing our authority is just not wise because then we lose our spiritual progress.

Child: What is spiritual progress?

Mother: When we start learning our process of being peaceful, we grow more and more peaceful with what God has made us and not what people want us to be like. That is actually growing spiritually.

Child: What will happen if we get more peaceful?

Mother: We will enjoy this living and existence and life more and more. We will smile at each and everything. We will remain in a state of happiness without much effort. We will value our life and feel grateful for everything which is around us more and more.

Child: So then, why do you say that we are okay when we are not feeling OK? Why give a different response or no response to others? Is it not misleading?

Mother: If we don’t give energy to our thought of judging people or keep saying to others that we did not like their behaviour it does not help but by non-response you actually grow spiritually and start moving towards neutrality and detachment. Nature starts teaching us about being at peace, with all what is happening around and finally make peace with it; though we may not like what happened at that point in time. Though we might have to fake the expression or be at non-expression during that time when the urge of judging subsides, we actually feel very peaceful. Initially, from within we may not feel the same, but we will learn this art when time goes while we keep applying it. A non-responsive
behaviour also helps a person to reach towards detachment effortlessly.

Child: What is detachment?

Mother: Detachment is acceptance of everything around us as it is not ours. Believing to the fact that everything is an event and we are witnessing or seeing it as a third person. This will reduce unnecessary agony and calm our urges to judge everything that comes in front of us.

Child: So finally, it means that you are saying you are not angry and trying to be peaceful and detached so that your spiritual strength remains and you grow as a good human being right?

Mother: You got it right my love and I am proud of you for making me realise that you are also part of my journey to learn. Today you actually took me to more clarity on the same concept and I feel blessed to learn this more accurately to apply it more easily. I am really grateful to you for this dear.

And she hugged the child with a broad smile as she had already made peace with the whole event during the time of this discussion.

Life is amazing if we keep learning from each and every one around us. Though they are so young, their minds are open to learn, ask, understand, comprehend, absorb and finally apply it because:
“God has made us all perfect and unique so that we can learn from each other without age bars.”

By: Shachi Maheshwari
- The writer is motivational and transformation trainer, life coach and author