Love Philosophy

The globalisation and digitisation has created a whole new way of life which has, in turn, influenced our style of living majorly, and as a result, dating in today’s times isn’t as simple as it used to be, say a decade ago. Modern day relationships are complex and access to a potential partner, love and sex has become easy to achieve just over the click of a button for today’s people.

However, social media has created one more trend, which every single person will relate to – that of a social profile. Online profiles have become the most sought-after way of self-representation. While most people are enticed by the seemingly beautiful lives of others as seen through this digital medium, there’s a whole other problem that it has raised.

In that scenario, we traverse to the West, where a few decades ago, dating meant cruising bars and pubs or social events to meet someone you liked. In the Indian context, dating has always been about arranged matches, meeting a potential partner through your parents. For the more “rebellious” kind, it was always college or offices that did the job. It might have become easier today to meet a partner, but with that, the dangers it has brought along is worth noting.

For instance, the most recent case of an American nurse Samantha Stewart being murdered by an alleged “Tinder serial killer” or the infamous murder committed by Priya Seth as uncovered in a documentary by Deepika Narayan Bharadwaj, where the assailant honey-trapped her victim into meeting her through a dating app and eventually murdered him brutally with the help of accomplices. It’s not like we all aren’t aware of the dangers of online dating and the need to protect oneself.

Shares city-based homoeopathy doctor Pratyusha J, 24, “I understand trusting is a very difficult thing in today’s times with so many instances coming into the news, and of course, many happening to friends too. But what strategy can we have in the matters of the heart?

I am always apprehensive about meeting people, but I just simply decide to take a chance and talk things out! Luckily, I’ve only had good experiences so far!

There was this one incident where I met a guy who lived in another city and decided to stay at his place, but things didn't go as expected! I didn't want him to know I was uncomfortable and lied to him to get out of his place and stayed at a hostel the rest of the stay.”

Telling us how wooing works for her, she shares, “I think wooing is a matter of trust more than anything and I’d like that to be the base of a new relationship. How much ever wooing the guy does, there’s no go without building upon the trust factor for me. But to reach that space, we need to communicate and till then, all we can do is be cautious!”

Rajkumar Elanjeran, a city-based doctor explains, “I am glad we live in the era of social media because when I want to woo someone, social media is the best place that will give me an idea as to how I can do it!

Understanding their online presence, lifestyle and social circle. I understand that not everyone maintains a social profile, but well, in such cases, it will be tough.”

Even as he agrees that social media can be a façade, he explains that it’s the best way he understands. “A simple google search reveals a lot about a person,” he states.

But then, it’s not that easy. As journalist Nikhita Gowra puts it, “I would first meet him a couple of times in a public place, see if I have mutual friends with him before I trust him or fall for him, irrespective of how good he seems. Finding out from them just a hint about what kind of a person he is. This is not prying, it is a necessity nowadays. Talk to him about his family, get to know what kind of an environment that he was brought up in.

We should be observant about his behaviour. His family background, his friends, everything may seem normal, but you need to get to know him enough to notice the red flags if there are any. For example, we should try and see whether he has trouble controlling his temper.

If you're meeting him in a more secluded area (after a couple of meetings of course), even if you're alone at either one of our houses, I'd make sure that at least one or two of my friends know where I am and that I'm with him.”

Well, many think that the best way to woo a person is to make them think they are the centre of the universe, which could be true! However, in present times, nothing works easy. And so, the best thing to do is to exhibit a sense of care and caution. And think, not about wooing right but making the other person feel right too!